Insights from The Weekly REBOOT
By: Bryan Flanery
Let me just say it: mistrust might not be your fault.
If you've ever found yourself unable to fully trust others… or even yourself… or maybe even God, this isn’t just about being "too guarded" or "having trust issues." It could go way deeper, all the way back to before you could speak your first word.
And no, that’s not an excuse. It’s science. Let me explain.
Mistrust — It Starts Early
In the 1950s, psychologist Erik Erikson developed a theory called the "Psychosocial Stages of Development." The very first stage happens from birth to 18 months old and centers on a crucial question:
Can I trust the world around me?
Think about that. Before you even had a choice, your little brain was already forming conclusions about trust. If your needs were met—if someone fed you when you were hungry, held you when you cried, soothed you when you were scared—then your brain started wiring for trust.
But if your caregivers were distracted, neglectful, inconsistent, or even abusive, your brain started to wire for mistrust. Not because you were weak. Not because you were broken. But because you were surviving.
“So wait... it’s not all on me?”
Exactly.
The way you view people, relationships, and even God might have been influenced before you could ever say why. If mistrust was modeled to you as a child, then mistrust became your blueprint.
But don’t miss this: just because it’s not your fault doesn’t mean it’s your forever.
Trust After Trauma
At REBOOT, we talk a lot about trauma and healing. And one thing becomes clear pretty quickly: trauma and trust don’t always play nice together. If you’ve experienced betrayal, abuse, or abandonment, trust becomes a fragile thing.
You might find yourself saying:
“I don’t let people get too close.”
“I have to handle everything on my own.”
“Even God feels distant sometimes.”
And here’s the kicker, if you already had mistrust wired into you as a kid, trauma doesn’t just create cracks in your foundation… it echoes what you already believed deep down:
The world isn’t safe. People won’t show up. I can’t depend on anyone.
But there’s good news.
You Can Rebuild Trust
The beautiful part of being human is that we’re capable of healing. We can rewrite the script. We can learn to trust again; not overnight, and not without effort—but over time, through safe relationships, consistent support, and grace-filled community.
And that’s what we’re doing in this series.
Over the next few weeks in these blogs, we’re going to break this down:
A Final Word (and a Confession)
Before I wrote this blog, I said a little prayer; not just for myself, but for you.
“God, I pray that you would move them in a way that they could regain trust, not only in themselves, but most importantly, with You and your creation.”
That’s my hope for you. That somewhere in this journey, you realize you’re not broken; you’re just healing. That mistrust may not have started with you, but healing? That’s something you do have a say in.
So stick around. We’re in this together.